


The Space Between

by PCJC24



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Purgatory, Season 8, Wilderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-13 01:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/818285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PCJC24/pseuds/PCJC24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Dean and Castiel became involved during Purgatory?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Space Between

There is no sun in this place, just trees, dead grass and rivers that flow endlessly. It's dark and dreary and dangerous, but oddly not cool at all. It's like Dean can't even feel the cold or the hunger he should feel. He's been traveling alone for days, looking for his angel. The only possession he has right now is a makeshift machete made out of stone, savage looking and heavy, but sharp and useful.

Dean grins as he swings the blade. Finally, something better than hands to defend himself from the monsters—the vampires, the werewolves, the shape shifters, the deadly leviathan—that live in this dreadful hole between heaven and hell.

Fighting had always been a part of Dean's life since he was young, and while this should be like any other day for him, it's not. It's more like a normal day on crack with monsters at every corner. It's so intense that being here feels like war—he and the angel, who is nowhere in sight, are against all of the creatures of purgatory.

The monsters don't bother Dean though because he could fight things ten times his size and strength. Monsters attack from behind, in front, and on top, jumping down from tree branches. They're no competition. He slashes their throats to intimidate, shoving them against trees, demanding in a deep voice, "Where's the angel?" The angel that was mysteriously transported to purgatory with him along side the entire leviathan species, and now has gone missing.

'Where's my angel' almost came out, but that's only a thought, so brief like dust in the wind, it blows away. But there's no wind here, so the thought stays for a moment and then retreats to the back of his mind. Dean buries it so far in his unconscious that the thought feels gone. But it's not forgotten, it only seems that way. Survival is too important for Dean to be thinking about his possession over anything.

Often though no words would be said in response to Dean's threats, and Dean would be quick to act. He chops their heads off one by one until there is no one trailing after him, or at least so many died that the rest of the monsters are now scared to approach the human, so he walks alone but alert and poised for a fight.

Finally without monster interference, he finally spots the angel, kneeling by the river, splashing his face with water. Dean wants to know Cas. He wants to understand his social awkwardness, his loyalty and devotion, and his strange religiousness that really isn't strange at all. He thinks Cas is washing away his sins as if he is being baptized, but Dean doesn't care about redemption or God, just Cas. But Cas doesn't care anymore either Dean realizes. They both no longer believe, they're twin doubters. Cas is most likely cleaning himself of dirt and nothing more, wishing there was a God to forgive him for his wrongs.

Now they can find a way out. They could double team all the evil in this universe and figure out an escape plan. Dean runs to Cas, pulls him up and hugs him, taking him away from his cleansing. Cas tenses like he's too full of sin to be loved, but finally relaxes in Dean's embrace. After all Dean forgave him, and that was all the forgiveness Cas needed, or so Dean thought. Cas is coming home with him.

"You need to go on without me, Dean. I ran to stay one step ahead of you, so the leviathans wouldn't attack you. They are after me. They cannot be after you," Cas says in his gravely voice, pulling away from the hug. Dean strokes Cas's face so briefly that Cas barely notices as he tilts his head, looking at Dean with such intensity and seriousness.

Dean smiles and lets out a breath, vocalizing his appreciation for Cas's 'peach fuzz.' Surprisingly, Dean is thankful to have the angel back in his presence. Cas looks rough and tired and sad, but like himself like he's sane again and no longer carries Sam's burden of time in Lucifer's cage. He's still dirty despite the rinsing of his face, but Dean is dirty too. Their filth and stink doesn't matter, nothing matters, but escaping together.

"I'm not leaving you behind, you hear me?" Dean says intensely as he grips Cas's shoulders tightly. "We're going home, Cas, now let's move before the leviathan find us."

Cas does that half-smile thing he does that shows his appreciation and just looks at Dean for a long time. Dean used to cringe at Cas's staring problem. It brought out more frustration in Dean than Dean even knew he had. But this time Dean lets him stare and stay in his personal space. It feels normal now, comforting even. The warmth of Cas's body so close to his body feels refreshing in a place that's neither hot nor cold. Dean wants to draw him closer once again, but Cas finally nods and backs away from Dean before walking ahead, slowly but surely.

"We will find you away out," Cas just says. Dean's so swept away with finally having Cas back that he doesn't hear the you in Cas's sentence. Dean just walks next to Cas with oblivious and hopeful eyes.

Night falls, and Dean is sitting against a tall oak tree while Cas lays on the ground, looking up at the muted, starless sky. Cas's head is resting against a pile of leaves. The angel doesn't need sleep, and here in purgatory, Dean doesn't need it either, though his body craves it. He resituates his body so he's on his knees, and he shuffles towards Cas in the silence of the night. It's not that Cas is far, but getting closer by knee is a slow process. By the time he gets to Cas, he's sure Cas knew he was coming even though he's still looking up at the sky.

Dean doesn't say a word as his knees bump against Cas's arms. Cas looks over at him and blinks at him.

Dean doesn't know what to do or say, but he smiles. His finger trails down Cas's trench coat covered arm, and Dean realizes he missed him, that he needs him, and that he's thankful for him being here. Cas hesitates and then he opens his arms slowly and stiffly.

"I'll watch over you while you sleep," Cas whispers in that deep voice of his. His eyes lock on Dean's eyes. They're filled with something like regret and hope, but Dean doesn't know which one, so Dean instead focuses his gaze at Cas's open arms.

"Only this once," Dean whispers back and lays beside Cas. Cas wraps his arms around Dean in what Cas believes is a hug. It's tight and confining, but secure and warm. Dean hopes nothing comes to get them in the night, and if it did, they could fight them off, no problem.

Dean starts to fall asleep with visions of him, Cas and Sam in his Impala. Cas is in the front seat next to him, looking over at him while they're at a stoplight, and Sam is in the back, squished, but happy.

"We'll get home," Dean mutters, not noticing the sadness on Cas's face, but only feeling Cas's reassuring grip as he squeezes him tighter.

…

Four hours later Dean wakes from his dream about Sam, Cas and him traveling on the road. At first all he hears is a gravely voice say something along the lines of "Dean, you need to wake. This is urgent." Cas, he recognizes immediately. He's so tired he can't stop himself from smiling as he blinks awake, and thinks his angel. Then he sees Cas's concerned eyes peering down at him and he quickly frowns realizing he has an audience and that he's not in a motel room like he hoped he'd be. In the rush to seem nonchalant, he instantly forgets that he made Cas his. He feels Cas's rough grip on his arms as Cas shakes him more awake than he already was.

"Leviathan are coming," Cas states seriously as he jumps up and pulls Dean up with him by his jacket.

As Dean is pulled up right, without thinking he acts on instinct, he grabs the blade that was lying between Cas and him during the night. He feels immediately energized as his body enters 'fight mode.' He takes the right and Cas takes the left. He slashes at throats and Cas lays his hands on these jerks's heads burning their existence away with his Grace.

Dean ducks from an oncoming attack and Cas is right behind him as if anticipating Dean's move and always watching out for his human. Cas burns holy fire with his hands, sending the leviathan to the ground. Dean is on guard so much that he doesn't realize he's thinking about how badass Cas is killing all those fucking leviathan. Dean immediately steps in and does his part in their murderous dance. Dean cuts the asshole's head off and then kicks the head like a soccer ball across the dusty land.

"Come on, we got to move," Dean says gruffly. That was their last kill. All the leviathan are lying temporarily lifeless on the ground, soon to be put back together again.

Dean and Cas run for the first hour to create distance between them and the monsters. Cas is a few feet behind Dean as they go up hills and through trees. Dean is so high on adrenaline that he keeps moving, and only acknowledges that Cas is behind him every few minutes. He only needs to know that his angel is with him and that he is okay.

After their adrenaline wallows and both are breathless, they walk for the next few hours in silence.

Dean doesn't know what to say to the angel, so he decides to say nothing. He doesn't want to speak of what happened last night. He didn't want to mention how Cas's extra tight embrace felt like security and the warmth that hold provided was so nice in a tepid atmosphere that Dean just wanted to lean into it. Dean hates himself for thinking that, and this time he can't push the thoughts away because the thought has been swimming around his brain all last night and into today. The thoughts just won't leave. He remembered the embrace as they fought and then as they ran and now as they walk. The way Cas's arms felt around him has been embedded in his brain since last night, and the thoughts cooked while he was being held tight throughout the night. They simmered during the battle and the run, but now they are under the flame once more, heating up again.

Dean couldn't imagine what he looked like to Cas, probably weak and vulnerable and human, sleeping in the angel's arms like that.

All of a sudden, Dean sees flashes of Sam amongst the trees in his mind. It's as if the angel's hand stroked his face during his sleep and soothed away the nightmares that Dean doesn't remember. Dean figured Cas must have used his angel juice to push away the bad dreams, so Dean wouldn't remember how he dreamt of his brother alone in purgatory getting attacked by monsters. Dean tries not to think of that though.

After what feels like eight hours of walking, Dean's limbs are hurting and as much as he doesn't want to admit it he's huffing. Dean tries to keep up with Cas, he really does. He takes longer steps then he has to so it appears like he's going to catch up with Cas soon. He tries not to breathe too loudly, and he tries not to groan or yawn or rub his tired eyes.

Dean walks along the tree trunks by hour nine. His hands grip the rough bark as he finally stops, leaning his head against the tree. He just looks at the dirty angel, who turns to him and stares at him with those serious big blue eyes.

"We need to stop." Cas admits what Dean would never. Cas walks over to Dean and puts his arm around Dean so they can walk together.  
Dean hates that Cas's arm is around him and wants to push it off. He hates that he likes it and needs it and leans into it.

Once they are on the ground, Cas lets go of him and Dean curls up with his eyes open, not looking at Cas as Cas leans against a tree.

Dean stares at the dirt to ignore the feeling of Cas's gaze on him. The dirt looks so arid. He's surprised that anything can survive here and that the trees are so tall, and then he remembers that he's doesn't even have to eat here, and shouldn't have to sleep if he didn't just run five miles and then walked the remaining 20. He starts counting the fallen leaves until his eyes drift close, realizing all that action deserves a little sleep.

Dean falls asleep only to awaken in a gasp by that nightmare he didn't remember last night. A leviathan slashed Sam's throat and then Sam was thrown in that stupid endless river in purgatory. Dean can't get the image of Sam floating in that river face down, his head barely staying on.

Dean pants as he sits up. He looks around for Cas in the dark. His green eyes make contact with Cas's blue ones. Cas didn't move an inch in the night; he is still sitting against the tree trunk.

Dean doesn't say it, but his eyes must because Cas is crawling towards him on hands and knees and folding his body so he's behind Dean, holding him and gently caressing his chest and stomach, getting him to lie down once more.

"Sleep, Dean," Cas says softly.

"Cas," Dean says, closing his eyes tightly, but all he sees is Sam dead in that river, "I can't."

Cas doesn't say anything. He just moves his hands to Dean's head and strokes his hair. Dean lets out a sigh of relief as he tries to hold in the tears that threaten to come. Purgatory blows, but he has no time to stress about it now, so he sucks up his impending tears. What he really needs is sleep and a plan to leave. Only when he's safe in a motel room with Cas and Sammy then maybe he'll let himself cry…but probably not then either.

"I just want to get us home," Dean says turning to face Cas. He can't believe he's doing this as he brings Cas as close as possible and puts his legs between Cas's legs and gets in between that dirty trench coat. He rests his head on the angel's chest and just breathes him in. Cas smells like sweat and earth, and Dean doesn't even care because he smells the same, probably worse.

"I will get you home, Dean. I will get you back to Sam, my friend," Cas says as he holds Dean just as tightly as yesterday. It's just as confining, but by now it's a bit more familiar and needed.

Dean once again ignores the 'you' in Cas's sentence as he strokes along Cas's stomach and chest and looks up in Cas's eyes.

"I need you, Cas," Dean whispers and Cas lets out a breath. Cas looks conflicted as he stops Dean's hand and just holds it tight as if he can't handle the sudden and surprising caresses from Dean.

"Then I will be here, now close your eyes and sleep." Cas sighs. His two fingers ghost over Dean's forehead, wanting to put the human to sleep, but stops himself and instead just strokes Dean's forehead without any power behind it. Cas stays silent even as Dean keeps mumbling and moving against him and gripping his clothes. Cas doesn't know what it means, and figures it's a human thing to want closeness in scary situations. Cas almost understands it because having Dean this close feels really nice. It's warm and comforting, but ultimately Cas doesn't really understand at all. Dean always kept a safe distance from him, Dean should hate him after he betrayed him, and yet he wants Cas to hold him in the land of monsters…

Once Dean is asleep, Cas watches the night sky, trying to put it all in perspective. He meant to stay away from Dean, but now he has to tell his human that he will help him escape by himself, but he, the angel, needs to stay here alone in purgatory for the rest of his existence.

…

When Dean wakes up, he is in a position that he doesn't remember falling into. Instead of lying down face to face with Cas like he was last night, he is sitting between Cas's legs with his back against Cas's chest. He almost curls onto Cas's lap in his sleepy haze, but stops himself because God, it makes him feel like such a little bitch. He hates that he thinks Cas is surprisingly comfortable. In the dark it was comforting, but now in the dim morning light, he feels confident he can fight off his own demons. He's just glad Cas isn't creepily watching him sleep, and isn't holding him in a death grip like Cas was last night. Instead, the angel's arms are gently draped over Dean's shoulders. But the way Cas's fingers are absentmindedly caressing his collarbone is too much for Dean. Dean's breath is catching and it feels like the trees are closing in on him. It's as if he's locked in a small closet made out of oak, and his lungs are losing more air by the second.

When Cas notices that Dean is awake, Cas looks down at him and smiles, but Dean can't take the claustrophobia anymore. He shoots up, sending Cas backwards.

"Man, not during the daytime." Dean stands up and brushes the dirt off his jeans.

Cas sits up and then tilts his head at Dean, "I thought embraces provided comfort in a time of need."

"It's not something we talk about," Dean just says, thinking this cuddling thing will end tonight. The word cuddling produces a light blush on Dean's cheeks, and Dean is thankful that it's not too bright in this space between hell and heaven or else Cas would see his tinted face. Though knowing Cas, he wouldn't understand and it wouldn't matter to him, but it matters to Dean. Dean's whole life was about being a man. He should fight and hunt, and hook up with women, and never get attached, and always stay on the road.

"Okay, so are we going to get you out of here? I was thinking we could question the creatures in purgatory," Cas says. Cas's deep voice immediately sends Dean out of his angry daydream about his father.

"Yeah, if we didn't scare them all off already." Dean says, trying not to think of the "what ifs," but he can't help it. What if this purgatory thing turns into some cast away situation and Cas and he have to build a hut out of twigs and live out the rest of their days here. They'd bathe in that stupid river and walk around with their pants ripped above the knee and their shirts on top their heads. Weapons would always be handy; they'd always be ready for a fight, but not so much on guard that they couldn't relax and enjoy a lazy day.

"I don't think so," Cas just says as he too stands up. He blinks at Dean.

"Let's get a move on," Dean starts walking, trying to forget his daydream of him and Cas living 'Survivor' style, but he can't, and the domesticity of it all makes his heart patter uncomfortably.

"Dean, don't you think we deserve a break… Let the monsters come to us. And I don't know if you realized it, but you slept for eight hours. Nothing is coming to attack if they didn't last night," Cas looks at Dean, and tilts his head. This time Dean tilts his head back at Cas as if he can't believe he slept that long and almost smiles.

Cas smiles, too, and says, "See? Sleeping with me isn't so bad."

"Don't ever say that again, Cas." Dean rolls his eyes and plops back down on the ground, "What do we do with all this time?"

"What do humans do when they have nothing else to do? I can sit here for the rest of my life and just observe."

"Only you, Cas. Humans, you know, would talk, relax, play games, and well…fuck."

"Oh," Cas says slowly and looks down as if looking Dean in the eyes would be a bad idea. Dean, too, looks away.

"Which we won't be doing…" Dean says weakly. He buries his face in his hands and thinks about how these past two days he's been denying his desire for Cas.

"No, no." Cas says, "I'll just sit here then."

Cas sits down next to Dean and looks ahead as if looking at Dean would lead to something neither of them wanted. Dean can feel Cas's body heat and after their talk Dean's face is even redder than before. Dean wishes Cas would sit yards away from him, but definitely not across from him for two reasons. One, so he couldn't see him and two, so he couldn't feel the warmth of his body. Having Cas so close only makes him think about how attractive Cas is, how funny he is, how awkward he is in the best way possible, how much he wants to touch him and be touched.

Dean clears his throat at that thought and looks around awkwardly at anything but Cas. He takes in a long breath and tries to erase the image of them lying in the leaves with Dean on top of Cas with one of his hands under Cas's shirt and the other in his pants.

"You'll just sit here then," Dean finally says and looks over at Cas and takes another deep breath. Dean sits there for another minute before getting up and sitting a few feet away from Cas. He notices how Cas looks down dejectedly, but doesn't realize that when Cas immediately looks straight ahead again, it might mean that Cas believes them not getting closer would be best.

Dean wants to tell Cas they can't embrace in the night, but he doesn't. The nights were a time when all logic didn't matter. He was half asleep and his body just acted without his mind thinking. He bit his lip, trying not to hate himself, especially since now he knew he wanted Cas, another man. It just wasn't the right time. They had to survive, not play around, but the creatures are nowhere in sight, so maybe he can let his disconcertion slide and give into his desires.

"You're right, Dean," Cas says suddenly after they sat in silence for an hour. "We must not get closer than we already are for I cannot come back with you."

As soon as those straightforward words escaped Cas's mouth, Dean turns to him and glares as realization hits him, "What? Yes, you are. We are finding you a way. Don't spout some bull about you being an angel. You are coming with me."

"Dean, you don't understand. I have to stay here to do my penance."

"Cas, you did your penance. I forgive you. Don't argue with me because you're coming home with me."

Cas just nods and suddenly Dean is next to him, shoving him down against the grass and straddling him. They stare into each other's eyes like they always do, gazes filled with intensity and regret and desire. Cas leans up when Dean leans down and they kiss as if they both expected this and knew their relationship was coming to this point.

…

Dean nips at Cas's lips with a low moan, catching Cas's bottom lip between his and then Cas's top lip and his bottom again. Cas does his best to match Dean's motions. On Cas's part, the kiss is sloppy and unpracticed, but comfortable as if Cas knows Dean inside and out. Cas tries to kiss quickly and finds himself bumping noses with Dean and missing his mouth on occasion, catching Dean's cheek with his lips. Dean grins into the kiss, he doesn't even mind, finding Cas's kisses strangely appealing, and so Cas that he loves it.

Dean stops and pulls away. He smiles at Cas and whispers, "Slow."

Before Dean leans down to kiss Cas again, Dean smiles even wider at him, realizing how pure his angel really is, and how much he fucking loves it. Cas is a bright spot in this land of monsters, so bright Dean can't deny him anymore. Dean has been so stupid to deny himself of this connection when Cas would never make him feel bad for wanting him because Cas wanted him back. Why would sexual orientation matter in this shithole when it is filled with death and creatures and endless land, their love would warm this place up, and defy all odds.

"What?" Cas says, his voice raspier than usual, and God, Dean thinks as he catches Cas's lips again in his. He gently nudges Cas's mouth open with his tongue. As Cas's tongue meets Dean's in a slow dance, Dean lies down and settles between Cas's legs. Cas eagerly wraps his legs around Dean tightly like he's born to do this kind of thing.

"God," Dean groans as he pulls away from the kiss.

"No, I'm just Cas," Cas says so seriously as he looks up at Dean with his big blue eyes.

Dean smiles and then laughs, "Cas, you make me laugh."

Cas tilts his head at Dean and gives him a small smile. That smile is all Dean needs to continue, and that head tilt offers Dean the perfect place to bury his face into. Dean leans down and nuzzles his face in Cas's neck and sucks at the skin, not caring that it's dirty, sweaty and bloody. Cas moans softly at Dean's mouth on his neck.

Dean pulls away and looks down at Cas as his hand slides down Cas's chest slowly. He needs to watch Cas's reaction as Dean's hand nears closer to Cas's waistband. Cas looks like he's going to explode in pleasure, wriggling under Dean. And when Cas involuntary bucks before Dean even touches him, Dean can't help but grin. The angel is officially his.

"I-I don't know, Dean. I only watched that one porn, and it confused me," Cas blushes and Dean grins even more as he cups Cas's goods in his hand. Dean's touch feels so good that Cas can't even tell Dean about the time when he accidently appeared in Dean's motel room while he was courting a woman, or when he was pleasuring himself in the shower or when Cas dived into Dean's dreams when Dean was in bed with another man.

"It's okay, jus go with it," Dean groans ruggedly, "We're gonna get out of here together, then we can fuck properly on a bed, preferably not one made of leaves," Dean whispers.

Dean finally gropes Cas through his pants causing Cas to whimper and then Dean's hand delves into Cas's pants so suddenly that Cas cries out. Dean kisses Cas again, pushing Cas's legs from around Dean's waist, so that Dean can lie on top of Cas. Dean holds Cas down with his weight as if he refuses to let Cas leave him again.

Cas closes his eyes tightly and grips Dean's jacket tightly. Cas shakes his head no repeatedly as if this shouldn't be happening, but he lets out a long moan and thrusts into Dean's hand regardless. Dean is too wrapped up in kissing and touching and thrusting against Cas's thigh to notice Cas's refusal to leave this place, especially when Cas comes in Dean's hand, and Dean follows suit.

They kiss for a few moments, both coming down from their highs.

Dean pulls away and sits up as if that kiss solved everything.

"Now, we are going to find shelter, bathe in that stupid fucking river because I'm sick of being covered in dirt and smelling like a dead body. Then we're gonna find a way out. You hear?" Dean says so seriously and gruffly as he tugs the angel by his coat.

"Dean, I can't," Cas says.

Dean just glares, and pulls the angel along until Dean is sure Cas will walk with him. They are finally no longer attached and they're heading towards the water that's finally in sight when a leviathan jumps down from the tree right on top of the angel.

Dean is ready for a fight; he pulls the fucker off his angel, and puts the blade against his throat.

"Tell me how to get out of this fuckwad of a place?"

The leviathan just looks at him and laughs, "I would tell you, but no." The leviathan's mouth opens and goes for Dean's neck for a bite. Dean just applies pressure to the blade and chops that sea monster's head off as their black goo squirts all over him.

Dean cringes and looks over at Cas, who stands beside him as if he was prepared to attack if another monster came their way.

"Now don't disagree with me, we're bathing in that fucking river," Dean says firmly as if killing that thing was a normal part of his day…because it really is normal now. Dean pulls his jacket off as they approach the river

Cas follows, pulling his jacket off too.

Once in the river, both are naked, scrubbing their bodies with their hands. Dean swims over to Cas and wraps his arms around him like he knows this is his time to convince the angel to stay.

"Why am I so friggin' stupid? Letting you slip past my fingers all these years. I won't do it again, okay?" Dean whispers his hands going up and down Cas's bare back.

When Cas just looks at him blankly, Dean's hand goes further down to his butt and squeezes it.

Cas's eyes go wide in recognition like he now understands why the babysitter was spanked.

Dean grins at Cas's reaction and then whispers, "I need you, so stop saying no to me." Dean hides his face in Cas's neck. It's not that he's embarrassed and hiding from his desires, it's that he needs Cas so much that he has to be close if he wants to survive purgatory. After all, shame doesn't matter here, no one is around but them. Dean's just glad they're both finally clean.

Cas doesn't say anything to Dean's words; he just stares, and Dean knows their kisses and life shattering orgasms didn't make one difference in the world to the angel, and Dean thinks it's a shame because it made a difference to him. Dean is just going to have to try harder.

"You're my family, Cas," Dean says softly against Cas's lips, "And I want to do this every day," Dean kisses Cas long and hard in the water until they can't breathe any more.

The way Cas looks sorry implies that guilt tripping with sensual kisses might be the way to go, but Dean knows it may also mean that they could never do this every day unless Dean stayed here with Cas for the rest of both their existences.

…

Their days are bloody and violent, but that's nothing new. In the dim daylight, they search for and kill vampires, werewolves, and weird unknown creatures. They threaten endlessly to force words out of the monsters, but the angel and his human have no luck.

They'll glance at each other during a fight to check to make sure the other is still breathing, but they don't need to because they move so rhythmically and in sync with one another that they know where the other is at all times. Sometimes their eyes will catch and they'll nod in assurance. In between fights, they'll walk in silence, or talk about how to get Dean, and subsequently, Cas out.

The nights are dark, and sometimes quiet, but night is the only time they speak with heart, cooing quiet intimacies to one another. They often hear rustling of leaves and see pairs of red eyes in the woods. No monsters ever approach as if they know their inevitable fate if they did. It doesn't even matter that the duo is distracted as often as they are at night. The creatures hold back as if unsure of what this connection between two beings is. Most nights are steamy with Dean's body against Cas's body and their hands exploring. Cas would hold Dean down, and Dean would let him. They'd just stare, and when they're not staring it's because they are kissing or feeling so much pleasure they have to close their eyes to experience the sensation more fully.

On night seven, they are bloody and dirty again and far from the river, so they cannot bathe unless they walk till morning. They have killed hundreds of these jerks by now, and their exhaustion shows.

The angel is sitting against a tree, resting his head on the bark and looking at Dean intently.

"Is this futile, Dean?" Cas asks softly in that deep voice of his, still looking over at Dean. Seven days have passed and still no answers. Cas realizes a week is a long time for humans like Dean, so not finding any information on how to leave purgatory in that amount of time is problematic, even though a week is not even a fraction of Castiel's existence.

Dean sits across from Cas. He leans against another tree and stays silent for a moment. Their feet graze every once in a while until Dean finally speaks up,

"Fuck no. Don't you remember that one vampire said something that made it seem like the vampires know where the escape hatch is."  
Cas nods solemnly, and says, "Can I come sit by you?" Cas doesn't even have to ask, both of them know that, but Cas still does.

Dean just sits up straight and pulls Cas in by his trench coat and Cas stumbles on his knees towards Dean.

Dean laughs and puts his arms around Cas as Cas settles there, a change from the usual scenario. It's just that Cas makes Dean feel so strong that he can now support Cas when he needs it. He wonders how Sam will react to all this when they get back. Sam wouldn't care, Dean is sure. Dean suspects that Sam already knows that they're in love, probably long before Dean even figured it out. Though Dean also bitterly wonders if he and Cas can carry this relationship into the real world… Would Cas stay long enough to be with Dean? Cas always wants to fly away for reasons Dean tries to understand, but never actually does. Dean and Sam should be first on Cas's list for any and all things, and Cas should trust him more than anyone else, no matter the circumstances, because Dean would drop anything for Cas.

Dean shakes his head of the thought. He strokes Cas's hair and his face to distract himself from his thoughts. Cas makes soft mewling sounds, and Dean immediately forgets his doubts.

Dean looks down at Cas and smiles, leaning down to kiss Cas's hair. He can't believe this is his tough angel right now. Cas is being uncharacteristically submissive, and Dean cannot help but give into Cas and his needs.

"You had a long day, huh?" Dean says.

Cas nods, grunts quietly, and buries his face in Dean's chest. Dean remembers how a leviathan bit a big chunk out of Cas's leg earlier today, but thankfully he is healing slowly but surely.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"Don't start," Dean says firmly. He knows Cas will come back with him even if he has to force him.

They stay silent until Dean's hand slows and settles in Cas's lap. He falls asleep holding his angel, dreaming of motel rooms and his Impala and Sam and Cas. He, Sam, and Cas are in a flying Impala until they arrive at a shitty motel that has ugly wallpaper and a vibrating bed. He is just so happy to be home that he plops on the bed and just lays there until he suddenly realizing both Sam and Cas are gone. He sits up in panic, looking around as the framed painting of trees turn into actual trees.

He breathes awake and sighs in relief. Cas is still here, snuggling in his lap, with his eyes closed. Dean knows Cas is awake, but resting soundly like he likes to do nowadays. He squeezes Cas before he glances past Cas's shoulder, seeing a vampire curiously watching them. He's scruffy and blondish grey, but looks don't matter as Dean shoves Cas off him and jumps to attention. Cas's eyes open wide as he stands alert and protective.

"Why?" is all Dean says as he shoves the vampire against a tree with Cas not too far behind.

"Heard you're looking to leave funky town? I'm your meal ticket out. Name's Benny. There is a way out if you're human. God has made it so," the vampire Benny said in a slow Cajun accent that is surprisingly soothing and trustful.

Dean glances at Cas and Cas nods as Dean releases the vampire slowly and reluctantly.

The vampire explains that there's an escape route that's for humans only, but only tells them where it is when Dean promises to let him live. Benny directs them there and wishes Dean luck on getting his angel out.

Dean glances one more time at Benny before walking off with his angel, imagining what could have been if Benny stuck around. Maybe they'd be friends, Dean thinks, and almost laughs at himself at the sheer stupidity of that statement.

"We're gonna find it," Dean says as they walk towards the spot Benny mentioned

"Don't even think of saying you're not coming, I will grip your hand so tight you won't be able to leave the passage without me," Dean continues, trying his best not to let emotion rule over him, but it does in that moment as he grabs Cas's hand tightly as they walk as if that will change Cas's feelings.

Dean walks with Cas, holding onto him and Cas lets him. Cas grips Dean's hand with an unearthly hold, trying not to feel the regret of this moment, knowing soon he'd be alone in purgatory, fighting his demons by himself.

…

After months of walking, hiding, fighting, and fucking, they finally find what they were looking for right when they start to give up hope.

For the first three weeks after finding out about the passage, Dean kept saying they’d have to set up shop here, and by week four, he and Cas started building a hut out of sticks and mud. By week six, they had their new home. It was tiny, but warm, and Dean managed to make a bed out of leaves, which they slept in every night no matter how far they went during the day in search of the human portal. They slept under Cas’s trench coat and Dean’s leather jacket, half the time naked with Dean’s blade between their bodies in case of home invasion. Now, they abandoned their makeshift home, and despite how nice that fucked up domesticity had been, Dean cannot stop staring at that damn hole of glory.

It’s bright and shiny, but small. It looks as if there is an electrical current running through it, and Dean reaches towards it, wanting to test it out. The hole gets wider the closer Dean gets, causing Dean to grin.

Dean’s hand is securely in Cas’s as he squeezes it tightly, but his eyes are set on the magic spot, so he doesn’t notice Cas, slowly edging his hand out of Dean’s tight grip. Dean walks toward the passage, saying the Latin phrase the vampire told him. It’s supposed to make the portal human capable.

Cas pulls at Dean’s hand harder this time. Dean glares at him when he finally notices what Cas is doing, feeling the pit of his stomach fill with nausea. He can’t let Cas off the train when they’re almost at their destination. Regardless of Cas’s pull, Dean still recites the Latin and steps closer to the passageway with two tickets out of this fuck fest.

“Let go, Dean. The passage is for you. It will kill us both if I accompany you,” Cas says firmly and loudly over the swooshing sound of the open portal. Cas continues to pull at Dean’s hand and Dean enters the passage with Cas’s hand still attached.

Dean stares at him for a long time. His eyes filled with pain, before looking away, trying not to hear the next few words out of Cas’s mouth.

“We’re both gonna die if you do this,” Cas says.

“I don’t care,” Dean’s voice deepens and his eyes harden. He finally looks at Cas, “Either you come with me or I stay here,” Dean says even though he’s halfway in the passage and he can feel the passage sucking him in like he’s a magnet and the passage is metal. Even with the magnetic pull, he struggles to retreat from the passage to get closer to Cas. Dean’s eyes are wide and begging, and his brow is furrowed. He can’t stay mad at Cas; Cas always believes what he’s doing is right, yet he doesn’t realize the only way to do the right thing is to stick with Dean and learn from him.

“Sam needs you,” Cas says as Dean takes his other hand and starts pulling Cas towards the passage.

“Sam needs you, too,” Dean says, and then adds, “I need you.” Dean’s eyes are wild and feverish as he holds both of Cas’s hands so tightly that if Cas were a human, his fingers would be numb.

“I will die if I go through that passage. Let me go. I need to repent. I deserve this,” Cas says with wide eyes.

“No, I love you. You are mine, and I am yours. You are coming with me. Repent on Earth like all the other poor suckers out there. You hear me?” Dean grits his teeth. Dean pulls harder and Cas just squeezes Dean’s hand and holds on this time. Cas sighs and his eyes soften as the passage sucks both of them in.

It feels like they’re in a whirlwind of sparks, and Dean holds onto Cas as they fall through the rabbit hole. Dean can hear Cas screaming bloody murder. Cas clutches Dean tighter than he ever had to before. Dean feels like his head is going to explode, but when he suddenly feels wetness on his neck, he forget his pain. Cas buries his face into Dean’s neck as he sobs. Dean holds his breath, and tries not to panic as he hugs Cas just as close. Dean strokes Cas’s hair, wishing he had magic angel fingers, so he could take away any and all of Cas’s pain. Dean closes his eyes tightly, wondering why Cas is acting like this.

Was Cas right all this time? This is a human portal, and his angel is going to die. Dean buries his face in Cas’s hair and lets out of a small cry of his own. ‘God why? Please save him,’ he prays, looking up at nothing. He’s going to lose Cas when he fought so hard to keep him; it’s all Dean’s fault.

“It’ll all be okay,” Dean whispers to Cas as he feels himself being propelled from the hole. The portal spits them out on a highway roadside, and they end up separated by the blast.

Dean feels dizzy after that trip to Mordor. The road looks like a gassy black rainbow mixed with yellow spots, and it’s making Dean want to vomit. Dean closed his eyes for a few minutes to settle his brain and his stomach. The weird thing though is that he also feels clean and pure. It’s like that hobbit hole fucked with his head; his brain is pulsing, but his body and his chest feel light as air. He almost smiles at the feeling, but then he looks over at Cas and his brow furrows when he sees him lying on the ground motionless and pale.

Dean sits up immediately. The light feeling despite the nauseous dizzy spell is making him strong enough to reach Cas. He’s tentative though as he approaches Cas. He crawls toward him and grabs a hold of Cas and shakes him. He doesn’t move. Then Dean touches his face a little gentler this time. Cas’s warm thankfully. Dean smiles; it’s a good sign. And he has a pulse. Dean leans down and listens to Cas’s shallow breathing, and grins.

Dean pulls away a little, but is still inches from Cas’s face as he strokes it with a smile. He’s going to be okay.

Cas opens his eyes slowly and Dean stares at Cas. Cas’s eyes say it all. They are squinty and darting around until they focus on Dean and relief sets in them.

“We made it,” Dean smiles, leaning down to peck Cas’s lips and then to hug him briefly, “Fuck, you had me worried.” Cas’s screaming actually scared the shit out of him, but he couldn’t tell his angel that.

Cas lets out a small groan, but all Dean can think of is that they escaped, and they did it together.

“I love you, too,” Cas rasps out, still lying on the ground. Dean lets a grin set on his lip and then a small laugh.

“You left with me because of the power of love, how cliché,” Dean says fondly, and rolls his eyes with a laugh, “We better find a place to crash, you don’t look so good. We’ll search for Sam in the morning.”

“Why I am in so much pain?”

Dean glances at Cas and bites his bottom lip in consternation. Dean doesn’t want to have to tell Cas what he thinks happened to him. He doesn’t want to hurt the angel’s feelings.

“My wings,” is all Cas says, realizing what happened. He looks at Dean wide eyed, and Dean nods. Cas’s wings must have burnt off in that magical current. The only way through the passage was to be a human, so it changed Cas.

“You’re human,” Dean surmises sadly, knowing Cas so well that he can understand him when no one else would.

Cas just nods, biting his bottom lip.

“It’ll all be okay, Cas. Let’s just find Sammy,” Dean offers Cas his hand and they walk along the roadside hand in hand, dirty and weak, but glad to be back. At least Dean hopes Cas thinks so too as he watches Cas, who is leaning on Dean for support.

“I paid my due,” Cas finally says after hours of walking with slumped shoulders. As he speaks he’s looking down at his feet and kicking at the gravel with each step he takes. Becoming human was his penance, Cas realizes, it wasn’t purgatory all along.

Dean just nods and walks along side Cas until they finally reach a motel, a place Dean dreamed about so often. Dean digs in his pocket for the wallet he still carried with him despite a year away, and pays cash for a room with a king sized bed.

They bathe one at a time with Dean showering first. Dean closes his eyes and lets out a small groan as the hot water hits his body and he scrubs himself clean with an actual bar of soap. He feels his nausea and dizziness dissipate slowly the longer he’s in the warm space. When he’s done, he makes sure Cas is okay in the bath, knowing he probably never bathed in a tub in his whole life. Dean shows him how it works and even scrubs his back with the soap before leaving to let Cas dry himself off. Cas comes out still with the beard and a towel around his waist. Cas half-smiles at Dean as if he knows Dean would like seeing him clean and half naked. Dean smiles back as he pats the bed space next to him. He’d have to show Cas how to shave tomorrow, he thinks with a long yawn. Cas curls up under the worn blanket next to Dean, throwing his towel aside.

Cas falls asleep almost immediately, and Dean can’t help but smile as he watches his angel sleep. Cas looks so relaxed and beautiful on Dean’s chest like he belongs there. Dean knows that they’ll call Sammy in the morning, and it’ll all be okay.


End file.
